Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
