i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
