K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
