So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
