Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
