Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
