My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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