Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
