Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
