he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
