I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
