I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
