real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
