I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
