I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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