roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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