If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
