I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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