Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
