Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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