His pubic hair was longer than his dick
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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