If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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