it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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