i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
