so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
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