I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
She bit a glass in half.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
