i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
