Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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