she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
