she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
