I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Randomize
