Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
