I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
