i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
They are going to name an STD after you.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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