I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
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