Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
