Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
