im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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