I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Four minutes until I can fart!
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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