Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
