I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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