Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
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