My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize