By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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