I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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