What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You made out with two different species that night
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
