if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
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