Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
