I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
