cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
