I want you more than these girls want KFC
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
