watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
