Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize