I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
what is it with giant penises always finding me
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
