The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
