dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize