I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
