therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
