Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
not ubering you a puppy
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
