Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
