apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
our cab driver is having phone sex.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
so much tequila, so little girl.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
