I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
