When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
