I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
