she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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