spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
