some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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