She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
