So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Randomize
