Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
