I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
