Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
