I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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