somebody snuck up and got me drunk
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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