He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
