I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
