Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
