i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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