Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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