My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
