Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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