Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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