Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
