Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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