Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
