you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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