apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
