the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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