i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
