I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
sick fucks of a feather flock together
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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