I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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