And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
