Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
