Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
