Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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