You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
