Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
