You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
