i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Your cock deserves a montage
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
