I skipped work to stalk him.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
