So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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