There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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