I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize