this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
