Screwed.edu
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
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