I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
