Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
ttyl tear gas
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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