make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
The feeling are messing with the penis
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
