i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize