He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Randomize